Attendees spend 47 minutes discussing information that could have been conveyed in three sentences
CORPORATE PARK — A breaking development from a mid-sized company’s conference room confirms that a meeting currently in progress could have been an email, according to unanimous internal consensus among attendees.
The meeting, which began at 2 p.m. and shows no signs of ending, was convened to share information that sources describe as “easily digestible via written communication.” Despite this, participants remain seated around a table, listening to someone read bullet points aloud.
“I’m looking at the agenda,” whispered one attendee. “It’s literally three items. This entire meeting could have been an email. Possibly a short email.”
Why This Meeting Could Have Been An Email
According to multiple sources, the meeting could have been an email for several reasons:
First, no decisions require real-time discussion. The presenter is simply announcing things that have already been decided by someone else. Consequently, attendee input will have no effect on outcomes.
Second, the information being shared is not complex. “Q3 numbers are up” does not require 15 minutes of contextualization and a PowerPoint transition effect.
Third, every single person in the room would rather be doing something else. Additionally, that “something else” includes actual work that generates value for the company.
“I have 47 unread emails,” said one participant, checking her phone under the table. “Some of them are probably more important than this. I’ll never know because I’m here.”
Despite Consensus, Meeting Continues
Remarkably, although everyone agrees the meeting could have been an email, the meeting has continued regardless. No one has proposed ending it early or transitioning to written communication.
“You can’t just say ‘this meeting could have been an email,'” explained one senior employee. “That’s not how this works. You have to sit here and think it very loudly. Eventually the meeting ends on its own.”
The meeting organizer, who is aware of the sentiment but undeterred, insists that “face time is important” and that “some things can’t be communicated via email.”
When asked to specify which elements of today’s meeting fell into that category, she said she would “circle back on that.”
Next Meeting Already Scheduled
In a development that surprised no one, a follow-up meeting has already been scheduled for next week. The purpose of that meeting is to discuss the outcomes of this meeting.
“We’ll need to align on next steps,” the organizer explained. “It’ll be quick. Just 30 minutes. I’ll send a calendar invite.”
Attendees report they will accept the invite, attend the meeting, and once again confirm internally that it could have been an email. This cycle is expected to continue indefinitely.
At press time, someone was asking a question that had already been answered in the pre-meeting materials.
This story is developing, and a status update meeting has been scheduled.
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