They called it “excessive.” They called it “concerning.” Now they’re asking for my assessment of their properties.
Six months ago, I established a security perimeter around my home. Motion sensors. Trail cameras. Strategic lighting. A detailed log of all vehicle and pedestrian traffic on my street, updated hourly during waking hours. My neighbors thought I was paranoid. Three of them used that exact word. One used “unhinged,” which I noted in my file on him.
Last week, someone’s Amazon package went missing. Suddenly, everyone wants to talk to Tucker.
The Assessment
Make no mistake: I didn’t establish home perimeter security because I expected gratitude. I did it because someone has to be vigilant. Someone has to watch. Someone has to maintain situational awareness while everyone else scrolls through their phones, completely unaware of the threat vectors surrounding their properties.
My neighbor Greg asked if I had “footage of the package thief.” I told him I had footage of everything. Every car. Every pedestrian. Every delivery driver who paused too long in front of a house. Greg’s eyes widened. He asked if that was legal. I asked him if security was illegal now.
The package thief remains at large, by the way. But I’ve narrowed it down to a list of seventeen suspects, including two mail carriers and a woman who walks her dog at irregular intervals. Irregular intervals are a red flag.
What My Neighbors Don’t Understand
They see a man with a clipboard walking his property line at 0600 hours. I see someone maintaining operational readiness. They see motion-activated floodlights that trigger when a cat crosses my lawn. I see a deterrent system functioning exactly as designed. They see my German Shepherd, Patton, trained to alert on command. I see America’s last line of defense in the cul-de-sac.
My wife says the neighbors are “worried about me” and that I should “dial it back.” I asked her: dial what back? Preparedness? Vigilance? The only thing standing between our community and total chaos? She said “yes, all of that” and went to bed early.
The Briefing
I’ve offered to conduct security assessments for every house on my street. Free of charge. So far, two neighbors have accepted. One backed out after I presented my findings, which included a seventeen-point vulnerability analysis and a recommendation that he relocate his recycling bins. He said I was “being weird about his recycling bins.” I was being thorough about his recycling bins.
The other neighbor let me finish the full presentation. He asked good questions. He took notes. He now checks his locks twice before bed. That’s called progress.
Some people will never understand what it takes to maintain home perimeter security. They’ll dismiss it as obsession. They’ll call it paranoia. But when the next package goes missing—and it will—they’ll know exactly whose door to knock on.
I’ll be waiting. I’m always waiting. That’s the point.
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