Sources confirm the man has “something to say” about content on all screens
MAPLE GROVE — A local man who spent decades yelling at TV has expanded his operations to include yelling at his smartphone, family members confirmed Tuesday.
The man, 61, first started yelling at TV programming in the early 1990s. Initially, his commentary focused on sports referees and local news anchors. However, since acquiring a smartphone in 2019, his yelling portfolio has significantly diversified.
“He used to save it for the evening news,” said his wife, who has learned to tune out approximately 73% of his commentary. “Now he starts at breakfast. Essentially, he yells at the phone while eating toast.”
The Evolution Of A Man Yelling At TV
According to family sources, the man’s yelling at TV began during a frustrating football game in 1991. Gradually, the behavior became habitual. It extended to cable news, weather reports, and commercials featuring actors he found “smug.”
“Oh, you think you know about car insurance?” he reportedly yelled at a gecko in 2009. “You’re a lizard!”
The smartphone, however, marked a significant escalation. Consequently, the man now carries a device capable of delivering irritating content 24 hours a day. As a result, his yelling has become untethered from traditional evening schedules.
“He yells at Facebook posts while waiting at the doctor’s office,” his daughter reported. “Similarly, he yells at news articles in the checkout line. Furthermore, he yelled at a text from his brother last Thanksgiving.”
What He Yells At: A Comprehensive Analysis
Research into the man’s yelling at TV and phone reveals several consistent themes.
First, he yells at politicians with whom he disagrees (“Can you believe this guy?”). Second, he yells at politicians with whom he agrees (“Finally, someone saying it!”). Additionally, he targets sports commentators, weather forecasters, and anyone under 40 who appears successful.
Moreover, the man yells at targeted advertisements, which he believes are “spying on him.” He also yells at recommended content, which he clicks on anyway before yelling at it.
“The phone knows exactly what will make him angry,” his son observed. “And it just keeps showing him that stuff. Meanwhile, he just keeps looking at it. It’s a perfect system, really.”
Family Adapts To Constant Yelling At TV And Phone
The man’s family has developed coping mechanisms over the years. These include noise-canceling headphones, strategic room placement, and a technique his wife calls “agreeing and leaving.”
“If he starts yelling about something on the phone, I say ‘wow, that’s crazy’ and go to a different room,” she explained. “Honestly, I don’t know what he’s reading and I don’t want to know.”
The man defended his behavior as civic engagement. “Somebody has to say something,” he said. “Otherwise, I’m just letting it happen.”
At press time, the man had discovered TikTok and was yelling at videos of 19-year-olds giving financial advice.
This story is developing.
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