You want to learn about a memorial, you swim in it. The director got an invite, took the swim, and now the press wants a federal investigation.
The Patel Pearl Harbor snorkel story is the cleanest piece of FBI business I’ve seen all year, and naturally the Associated Press put three reporters on it. The director of the FBI swam over a war memorial that’s been swum over by Navy admirals and defense secretaries since the Obama administration. Cash Patel does it once, and suddenly we need a Senate hearing. Help me out here.
Here is Chris Cillizza, that man with the sweater and the YouTube channel I’ve already had to discuss once before, explaining to me with great seriousness why a guided swim is a scandal:
What the Patel Pearl Harbor Snorkel Story Buries
The FBI doesn’t slap “VIP” in front of a thing for nothing. They invited the director of the FBI to a coordinated, briefed, supervised swim, told him not to touch anything, and walked him through the historical significance like a tour guide. He took the tour. Now the press wants to call this a desecration. I call it Tuesday.
And let me tell you what the AP buries six paragraphs down. The former acting Defense Secretary, Christopher Miller, did the exact same swim. He told the AP it was “somber” and “meaningful” and the kind of thing they do for “special visitors.” Read the actual words. The case against Patel is contained in their own reporting, and it’s that this is what we do for VIPs. An FBI director is a VIP. The math is not difficult.
A Bachelor Party at a Church
They quote some Marine named Hack Albertson who says the swim was “like having a bachelor party at a church.” Hack. Listen to yourself. Nobody was drinking. Nobody was playing music. The man went underwater for an hour, looked at a battleship, and went home. That’s the most respectful bachelor party I’ve ever heard of, and I’ve been to four.
And before Justice Connection, ProPublica, and every other watchdog group pile on, I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say “Brent, this fits a pattern.” The KA$H bourbon with the dollar-sign signature. A hockey team locker room in Milan. The private jet to see the country music girlfriend. Some 3D-printed pistols he handed out to New Zealand officials that turned out to be illegal under their gun laws. The watchdog tracker can keep growing. Daryl Stokes already settled the bourbon question. I’ll be at the hardware store, where things still work.
The Innovation Nobody Wants to Credit
No FBI director has done this since at least 1993, the AP says, like that’s an indictment. Let that sink in. Thirty-three years of bureau directors sitting on dry land, never once thinking about getting in the water and seeing what they’re sworn to protect. Patel did. That’s called initiative. That’s called showing up for the work. And that, my friends, is called doing the job.
I look at a man who took the Navy up on a Navy invitation, swam where defense secretaries have swum, and let the AP file a public records request so the whole country could read about it. You know what that’s called? Public service. And I’m full of it.
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