“We just wanted a peaceful holiday,” explains family that has now established a tribunal system with an appeals process
PLEASANT VALLEY—A family’s simple request for “no politics at Christmas dinner” has evolved into a 14-page governance document that sources describe as “more contentious than the politics would have been.” Furthermore, the no politics dinner rule now requires a three-person review board, a formal appeals process, and a definitions appendix that was hotly debated for six hours last Tuesday.
“We just wanted peace,” explained family matriarch Dorothy Hendricks, 71, while notarizing an amendment. “Now we have bylaws.”
The original rule, established in 2016, consisted of four words. It has since expanded to include 247 prohibited topics, 89 “gray area” subjects requiring preapproval, and a complex violation points system.
No Politics Dinner Rule Spawns Bureaucracy
According to documents obtained by Newswax, enforcement of the no politics dinner rule has become the family’s most politically divisive issue.
“Aunt Carol said mentioning gas prices was political. Uncle Ray said it was economic. They argued about whether economics is political for forty-five minutes,” reported one cousin. “Someone eventually pointed out that arguing about the rule was itself a violation. That’s when the table flipped.”
Additionally, the family has created a designated “uncle monitor” position after incidents in 2022 and 2023. The monitor is equipped with a small bell.
Definitions Section Now 6 Pages
Perhaps most contentiously, the document’s “Definitions” appendix has become a battleground in itself.
“We spent three Thanksgivings defining ‘political,'” admitted family spokesman Greg Hendricks. “Does weather count? Does crime? What about sports? The kneeling thing made sports political, but is regular sports still okay? We formed a subcommittee. The subcommittee formed a subcommittee.”
The current definition of “political” spans 340 words and includes fourteen footnotes.
Exemptions Process Drawing Criticism
Meanwhile, sources report growing frustration with the exemptions process, which allows family members to pre-register potentially political statements 72 hours before the gathering.
“I submitted my exemption request for a comment about the price of eggs,” reported cousin Michael, 34. “It was denied. I appealed. The appeal was tabled until after dessert, but by then the moment had passed. The system is broken.”
At press time, the family announced plans for a “simplified” 2026 gathering with “fewer rules,” a proposal that has already generated 23 pages of planning documents and two minority reports.
The ham was fine. Nobody asked about the ham.
Developing.
About the Author
