“Is it Sunday? It feels like Sunday. Every day feels like Sunday,” reports everyone
NATIONWIDE—The nation has officially entered the disorienting period between Christmas and New Years where sources confirm nobody knows what day it is, whether they are supposed to be working, or if regular rules still apply. Furthermore, experts report that time itself has become “weird and thick” and may not fully resume until January 2nd at the earliest.
“I woke up today and genuinely did not know if it was Tuesday,” reported area resident Karen Mullins, 41, still wearing what she described as “day four pants.” “I checked my phone. It said Sunday. That can’t be right. It’s been Sunday for three days.”
The confusion between Christmas and New Years has reportedly affected all sectors of American life, from workplace productivity to basic meal scheduling.
Work Status Remains Unclear Nationwide
According to sources, millions of Americans currently exist in a state of occupational uncertainty, unsure whether they are on vacation, “working from home,” or simply being forgotten about.
“I logged in this morning because I felt guilty,” reported software developer Marcus Chen. “No one else was online. I sent one email. No response. I closed the laptop. Am I employed? I genuinely don’t know. I’m going to have some cheese.”
Additionally, sources confirm that those who did go to offices found them largely empty except for one person who “didn’t get the memo” and another who was “avoiding family.”
Meal Structure Has Collapsed Entirely
In related developments, nutritional experts confirm that normal eating patterns have been abandoned in favor of what researchers term “grazing on Christmas leftovers until something runs out.”
“I had pie for breakfast. Then more pie. Then some ham directly from the container,” admitted one source who requested anonymity. “What meal was that? I don’t know. The concept of meals has become theoretical.”
The same source reported that the refrigerator has been opened approximately 40 times today, “just to see if anything changed.”
Basic Temporal Awareness Failing
Meanwhile, health officials express concern that extended exposure to the between-week has begun affecting citizens’ ability to perceive time at all.
“My husband asked what we were doing for New Year’s and I said ‘that’s in like a week’ and he said ‘it’s in three days’ and I started crying,” reported one respondent. “When did it become almost January? How long have I been sitting here?”
At press time, sources confirmed that putting on “real pants” remains optional until further notice, and that everyone has agreed to reconvene as a functioning society sometime “after the thing.”
The current day is reportedly Sunday. Or possibly Monday. Developing.
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